would you become my queen?

“Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you overdramatize it or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important onces. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to… No matter how it comes out, I have to write it.” - Sylvia Plath

I write to get ideas, feelings, observations off my chest, and to try and make sense of them. I don't expect anyone to ever understand what I'm trying to convey, cus really.. I'm the only one who could truly understand. I exaggerate, a lot, in my writing. I also usually don't make sense, or express exactly what I'm trying to say. But I don't think that's anyone's place to really judge. I don't write for you, I write for me. I let you read it, because I want you to gain a different understanding of who I am. I am always changing, and you should never expect something I wrote a week ago to be exactly the same now. I am letting you in, and you have no right to punish me for that.

I am constantly crumbling, and building myself back up lately. My heart feels like playdoh. Honestly, I really enjoy the feeling. I am constantly on my toes. My heart has been playing games with my head lately, but I also don't mind this. I'm just confused about a lot in my life right now. I expect this is a normal feeling for someone my age. The only thing I am certain of.. is my career path. I've been joking around with Zena, saying, "forget interior design, I'll just become your assistant" (she's a photography major). I've been helping her every now and then with her shoots, and it's actually pretty fun. Definitely not as fun as interior design, though.

I miss my family. I'm scared to spend 2 major holidays away from ALL of them. Just typing that out is making me tear up. I can't wait 'til things settle down around here and I can take a trip to Kansas City.

I really, really just want to meet someone "special". I hate that saying, but you know.