On missing friends:

I am sitting alone in my apartment right now.. and I miss everyone. Everyone. I miss people I don't even like. I miss a friend who is only going to be gone for a couple of days. I miss old best friends. I miss a girl who still has a bit of my heart even after these past few years. I miss a specific person's laugh, and how when I heard it the other night... I remembered all those silly little jokes we had.

I am so surprised that it's still so, so hard for me to let go of things. My whole life, all I've done is grow apart from old friends, move away, push myself away.. and yet, I still cannot handle it when it happens. I always react the same way too, like I don't care. Usually at the time, I don't care... but months later it hits me. I am reminded of the way things used to be before friendships changed. I am reminded of why they were such a big part of my life to begin with. It's so hard to accept that sometimes things do change in the blink of an eye.

I do miss a lot, yes. But I do not wish to ever go back in time, or lose what I have now. I am so unbelievably thankful for the friends I have right now, and I hope I continue to work at them, and keep them going for as long as humanly possible. Hands down, this is the happiest I have ever been in my life. November has been such a great month, and I only hope it continues. I firmly believe that all of the shitty stuff that has been happening in '09 is all for good reason; I am being challenged regularly because of it. I will not let any of it keep me down, though.