Sweet disposition, never too soon..

I feel like this song was destined to be in a movie. 500 Days of Summer is not the movie I imagine when I hear this song, but it's close.

I think I am at a good place in my life. Sure, I've been having some emotional meltdowns (whether people actually notice this or not is a different story), but overall I am doing well. School starts Monday and I'm thrilled. My major's department changed buildings and my commute is now cut in half. I am excited to see familiar faces in some of my classes, and I hope to actually make friends with these people. Sometimes I forget that I have to network while in school! Hahaha.

I have been trying to start a new issue of my zine for months now. I have a template set up, and the first few pages are done but I am displeased with them. Out of the five pages I've done, I want to keep one! I have been trying to figure out what has been keeping me from sitting down and working on it, and nothing comes to mind. Mostly, I think it's because I have been overindulging in booze, food and excessive hangouts. When times does slow down, I'm so worn out that I sit in bed all day browsing the web. I need something to kick me in the ass and get going. By no means do I want to force writing a new issue for my zine, but I just wish I could have a fire lit under my ass. On my last issue, Taylor really helped inspire a lot that I wrote, and encouraged me to finish it. (I wonder if I ever told her that?) It's too bad we're not friends anymore, 'cus I could use that right about now.

I have a lot to write about; Maybe I should just write about my day-to-day musings of my college life. Honestly, I think I hang out with some of the funniest people ever, and if I could quote them for 46 pages of a zine, I would. Hmmm. Instead of trying to psychoanalyze myself, and new beliefs I have acquired, maybe I should just chill the fuck out and write whatever comes naturally. I can't believe I am even suggesting this to myself... isn't it common sense?

I am selling my DS, against my better judgement. I need money, and I don't need a DS right now. Ya hear? Also, I am considering selling my novel collection and purchasing a Kindle, or any e-reader. I am so sick and tired of owning things. That feels weird to say. But honestly, I think I would be so happy right now if I was living as minimally as possible. Okay, new goal for 2010: minimize my life.

this is the way, this is the way i want it to be

I have these amazing feelings inside of me. For once, I am unsure of how to release them. Every time I try writing, I get so caught up in the happiness that I lose my concentration.

I don't know how to explain myself anymore. I get tongue tied even while talking about something as simple as my own political opinion. I slur my words every time I talk about a specific person. I also tend to laugh nervously every time someone mentions how I "need to meet a girl."

I don't want to be in this place, where I can't express the little world inside of me. The things I want to share with you. But at the same time, I love being on this level. I am so indescribably happy even though I can't have what I want, because I can't say what I feel. Cheers.

(I plan to start working more on writing for a new issue of my zine. I'd also like to start doing something creatively, with my hands, so I can show off the fruits of my laborous love.)