we are just misguided ghosts

Some weeks I can make my money really last that I actually surprise myself. Other weeks, I feel like I haven't bought much, but my empty pockets show me otherwise. I need a steady income again.

For some odd reason, no one on Craigslist wants to buy my DS. I think it's because I'm actually trying to sell it for a decent price (as in, I wouldn't lose hella money). I just re-listed it again today for cheaper than I have been.. hopefully it works. I'm also thinking of selling my typewriter as well as various dvd's/books that I no longer need. Not only am I tired of clutter, but I want the extra cash. I'm really a huge believer in treating myself every now and then. I did that today, but I fear I may have spent too much money in doing so. I don't regret it, though. The next time I really plan to treat myself will be around my birthday.. but 'tis a secret. :)

I have been obsessed with 'Skinny Love' by Bon Iver lately. I know I'm super late on that bandwagon, but it's fitting to my mood lately. Speaking of my mood... I have been feeling weird about life lately. It's not negative or positive, just weird. Mostly, I have a lot of questions that can't be answered. I am alive with feeling, and blahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Fuck college, and this whole "discovering yourself" nonsense. It's so exhausting to think about how much I thought I knew about myself back in Elsinore compared to now. I'm not the only one who feels this way either.

I feel like a nomad, like I have no real home. Quite honestly, I think this is a root to most of my current issues. 'Cus whenever I'm really worried about something, it always leads back to the idea of 'home'. I can't have letters sent to my address in my own name, and I can't sign up for a PO Box, 'cus I am not on a lease. I have no idea how to renew my license when I have no 'home' address (see the previous points to answer any logical idea you might have had to solve this issue). I can't go 'home' to southern California because there is no 'home' for me there. Missouri is not my home, but that is where my idea of home is at (my family).

On a lighter note.. there is this amazing thing going on. I wish I could share, or at least give hints.. but I cannot. I have yet to share this with anyone, not even my closest friend. I think it's fucked up that I can't tell anyone, but at the same time... it feels so nice to see and feel what I do. Um.. okay, this might be giving you the wrong idea. Hahaha. All in all, I just hope I can do better, and actually make something come out of this. Sorry if that just made you more curious rather than let you move on. I am happy. I am loving life, I just wish I could shut my brain off sometimes and focus better.